Delmace & Dave

My friend (and boss) Dave is in Haiti this week…

Today he sent me this photo – showing him helping Delmace cross off another day on his “countdown calendar”…  I love that D & I both have the exact same “countdown calendars” – thanks to Renee…

Good friends are everything.  What are you thankful for?

One week ago today, I was just leaving Haiti…  I was actually in the airport in PAP at this time last week (well, it was about the same time when I started to write this post- but then I got interrupted)…  Anyway, I was leaving Haiti and feeling very sad about leaving my boy…

Boston boy... 11/09

It always takes me a couple of weeks to shake the sadness.  My first week back home and back to work at school seemed to drag on forever; whereas the week that I spent with Delmace in Haiti, seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye…  Why is that?  I now find myself living for those fleeting moments when we can be together, crossing off the days on the calendar till the next visit, and hoping that I’m not missing too much of his childhood during the times we are apart.  Every one of my friends who knows D and has seen the new photos, says the same thing – “He’s looking so much older”.  I see it too.  He’s not the little baby boy that I first met almost 2 years ago…  The little guy who was so small that he actually fit in my backpack!

Delmace in the backpack! My friend Dede is helping to fit him in...

He’s at that age now where he is a little sponge – soaking up everything he can and learning so much – I don’t want to miss any of it, but I know I will and that hurts.  When did he learn to hold a crayon the right way? cut food with a knife? play drums like the big guys? and defend a soccer goal with skill?  I’m glad he’s learned all these things – and more, but I can’t help wishing that I was a part of it.

D coloring - Nov. 2009

The waiting part of international adoption is hard.  Once you have committed to your child, all you want is to bring them home – as soon as possible – to begin your life together.  But what you get instead, is this limbo land where timeframes are fuzzy, procedures and requirements can change without warning, and there is very little you can do about it.  It’s hard to sit back and let other people handle what is arguably the most important thing in your life – but you have no choice.  I hear people talk about having faith – that you have to trust God and trust the “system”, and I do know it’s true – but that doesn’t make the waiting any easier.  I’m lucky to have good friends who work at the home where Delmace lives.  I know he is well cared for.  I know he is valued, and loved by many, many people.  I am so grateful for their updates, photos, videos, and phone messages, that let me know that he is OK…

I also try and remind myself that Delmace is going to be a child of 2 worlds – and he needs to know both of them.  I don’t want him to ever forget his Haitian heritage.  I want him to be proud of the country he was born in, and appreciate its culture.  I try to rationalize this stuff in my head – and it does kind of help me keep things in perspective…  I know he is where he is supposed to be right now… In Haiti.  This is his time to be at Wings, and I have to accept that this is part of the plan.  When it is time for him to come home, there will be a way – and it will be made clear.  We will all know that it’s right.

Until then – don’t grow up too fast, Little Man…  I love you – now and forever.

Me & my boy... 11/09

Arrived home late, late last night after a long travel day.  Leaving Delmace was just as hard as it always is – it’s the worst part of the trip…  No matter how wonderful our time together is, it’s always there – lurking, the knowing that I have to go home, and that I have to leave him behind.   When I was packing on Saturday morning, he watched me very intently…  He had picked up this toy airplane on the way back to our room after breakfast – I have no idea where it came from, it was just lying on a table and it caught his eye.  He was sitting on the floor playing with it -opening & closing the door, lowering the stairs, and as I finished packing, he pushed the airplane aside, grabbed his little backpack, and said he wanted to go on the “avion” (airplane) with me.  I had Renee explain to him that I had to go and he had to stay at Wings right now – but I would be back soon, and he could cross off the days on his countdown calendar.  He didn’t cry, he didn’t protest, he didn’t say anything – he just sat there – and it broke my heart.

Here’s some more photos from the trip:

Delmace and I just hanging out

My brother, Joe & "the boys" - Delmace, Jozye, and David

"Little Papi" cruising in his wheelchair

Me & D

Delmace playing on my computer - he loved "Tux Paint"

Jozye and Delmace - jamming

Goodbye kisses...

I love you, Little Man – and I miss you so much already.  Keep crossing off those days on your calendar – I will be back soon – I promise.  And someday, I won’t have to leave you – you will be able to go on the avion with me, and we will come home together.  Until then – sweet dreams, and remember – Mama Cathy loves you so much.

Here’s a bunch of new photos…  Not a lot of time to write!

Delmace and I on the roof at St. Joe's before Sunday worship service

My handsome, smiling boy looking all fine & fancy for Sunday service @ St. Joe's

Delmace playing basketball with "Ton ton Joe" (Uncle Joe)

Delmace in his "Ship Me Up To Boston" shirt & new Sox hat, playing with his favorite cars

Delmace riding on his favorite "machine" - his Plasma car

Delmace drumming on his tin can drum

Me with Delmace and his pal, "B"

Delmace looking handsome in his Wings of Hope shirt at the Wings anniversary celebration

Delmace sleeping with his new stuffed Wally...

The past few days have been really busy, so I haven’t had a lot of time to write…  I tried to post last night, but lost the internet connection before I could finish – technology in Haiti is not always reliable!  I am really enjoying being with my boy.  I love having him stay in the guest room with me because I can really be Mama to him…  I love doing all the stupid day-to-day stuff, like dressing, bathing, and all that…  I especially LOVE putting him to bed.  We have this routine where I lie down next to him and we listen to “Godspeed” by the Dixie Chicks on my ipod.  I have it set to repeat over and over until he falls asleep – usually, he’s out within 3 plays, but sometimes I let it go longer – just so I can lie there and watch him sleep.

Everything’s packed, and ready for tomorrow…  Due at the airport at 4:15 AM – love those early morning flights…  Should land in Port au Prince at 1:00 PM.  This is the smiling face I’m waiting to see…

I opened up an email this morning from a friend in Haiti, someone who lives & works at the home where Delmace lives, and saw the 5 sweetest words I could ever wish for: “the boy needs his mama”…  All the frustration kind of melts away, and I just smile.

I’ll be there soon, D.

Thanks KC.

So…  I get a letter in the mail on Saturday from USCIS that says there is a problem with my home study and they will not OK me to adopt until it is fixed.  It seems that the social worker who did my home study report left out a few important details, and someone noticed.  I guess I should be glad that it was caught early on, and it can be corrected (hopefully quickly), but the fact that it has to be corrected at all – is really, really frustrating for me…  This person took forever to write this report!  It was promised to me by a certain date on 3 different occasions – and was only delivered on the 3rd promise…  It’s frustrating to have to rely on other people in this process, and to have them repeatedly come up short for you.  But, since I can’t do it without them, I will have to try and get beyond that…  Motivational factor right now is knowing that in just a few short days I will be able to be with Delmace for a whole week!  It would be so much easier if I could just smuggle him home with me in my suitcase…  This picture is from my trip in August – he climbed in on his own on my last night…  He was supposed to be helping me pack – I like the way he thinks!

My Dossier of ALL my completed paperwork for the adoption (all the stuff I’ve been gathering & working on the past 6 months) has finally arrived in Haiti!   It was sent via FedEx on 10/22 and it arrived on 10/26.  I was actually DONE with all the stuff I needed to do (aside from getting fingerprinted) over 2 months ago – everything got delayed because the Social Worker took forever to write my Homestudy…  But, who cares – cuz it’s there now, and I feel like I’ve actually made some progress for the first time in a while!  And, in a week, I’ll be back down in Haiti and I’ll get to spend 7 wonderful days with Delmace – and I can’t think of anything better than that

It’s been a long couple of weeks…  lots and lots of work to do for school; lots of “extra” obligations; trying to get everything organized and packed for the trip – trying to find enough room to squeeze it all in; and fighting off a cold on top of it all…  I need to stress a little less about all this stuff because in the end, most of it doesn’t really matter….

I had a really great conversation with Diana, my adoption case manager, a few evenings ago.  We’d been playing phone tag for several days, and it really meant a lot to me that she took time out of her evening (and away from her own family) to give me a call…  I know I have the right people working my case for me – but, there are still times when I feel kind of disconnected from the experiences of other people adopting in Haiti from the same agency…  Diana had just returned from a trip to Haiti herself, and she’d posted lots of photos and updates about the kids at the BRESMA orphanage on her blog.  I do enjoy reading her posts – and I love looking at all those photos…  I know how excited those families must be to see their kids’ photos and hear how they’re doing…  They all kind of share this kinship – not just the kids (who are living together at BRESMA), but also the families who are adopting them…  Since Delmace doesn’t live at BRESMA, I don’t have the same connections with these people.  I’m hoping that I can connect with other folks adopting from Haiti through these blogs…