Posted by: Cathy | November 22, 2009

Growing Up So Fast…

One week ago today, I was just leaving Haiti…  I was actually in the airport in PAP at this time last week (well, it was about the same time when I started to write this post- but then I got interrupted)…  Anyway, I was leaving Haiti and feeling very sad about leaving my boy…

Boston boy... 11/09

It always takes me a couple of weeks to shake the sadness.  My first week back home and back to work at school seemed to drag on forever; whereas the week that I spent with Delmace in Haiti, seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye…  Why is that?  I now find myself living for those fleeting moments when we can be together, crossing off the days on the calendar till the next visit, and hoping that I’m not missing too much of his childhood during the times we are apart.  Every one of my friends who knows D and has seen the new photos, says the same thing – “He’s looking so much older”.  I see it too.  He’s not the little baby boy that I first met almost 2 years ago…  The little guy who was so small that he actually fit in my backpack!

Delmace in the backpack! My friend Dede is helping to fit him in...

He’s at that age now where he is a little sponge – soaking up everything he can and learning so much – I don’t want to miss any of it, but I know I will and that hurts.  When did he learn to hold a crayon the right way? cut food with a knife? play drums like the big guys? and defend a soccer goal with skill?  I’m glad he’s learned all these things – and more, but I can’t help wishing that I was a part of it.

D coloring - Nov. 2009

The waiting part of international adoption is hard.  Once you have committed to your child, all you want is to bring them home – as soon as possible – to begin your life together.  But what you get instead, is this limbo land where timeframes are fuzzy, procedures and requirements can change without warning, and there is very little you can do about it.  It’s hard to sit back and let other people handle what is arguably the most important thing in your life – but you have no choice.  I hear people talk about having faith – that you have to trust God and trust the “system”, and I do know it’s true – but that doesn’t make the waiting any easier.  I’m lucky to have good friends who work at the home where Delmace lives.  I know he is well cared for.  I know he is valued, and loved by many, many people.  I am so grateful for their updates, photos, videos, and phone messages, that let me know that he is OK…

I also try and remind myself that Delmace is going to be a child of 2 worlds – and he needs to know both of them.  I don’t want him to ever forget his Haitian heritage.  I want him to be proud of the country he was born in, and appreciate its culture.  I try to rationalize this stuff in my head – and it does kind of help me keep things in perspective…  I know he is where he is supposed to be right now… In Haiti.  This is his time to be at Wings, and I have to accept that this is part of the plan.  When it is time for him to come home, there will be a way – and it will be made clear.  We will all know that it’s right.

Until then – don’t grow up too fast, Little Man…  I love you – now and forever.

Me & my boy... 11/09


Advertisements

Responses

  1. Been there Cathy!
    Can’t imagine how hard to visit and leave though!
    He’s your son – I can see it in his eyes! For all the milestomes you miss – I know b/c Zach was 20 months when I got him – there will be thiose you have shared – there will be memories to be made – all the writing and photos will be treasured by D as he grows.
    He is a hansome boy – he aobviously has the attachement – luckily he is care for – I know its not the same – we think about you guys and say a special prayer every week at mass –
    Zach talks about you being his angel – that if it weren’t for you he would not be doing well is school – he can’t wait to meet D in person – he talks often about what a great mom you’ll be.
    Godspeed to both
    Love
    Kathy and Zach


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: